I’ve always struggled to be present. Sometimes it’s just because I’m tired and daydreaming about stuff. But other times it's deeper. I have this tendency to think that wherever I’m at in life right now is just a stepping stone to where I really want to be. And although I'm glad to have hope for a better future, I hate how often I have wasted time because I was just waiting for when things would get better. I find myself thinking, “Oh, I won’t take that better job right now because I wanna move soon anyways,” Or, “Oh, I don’t want to take the time to connect with that group right now, I’ll find people more my vibe later.”
Sometimes I have failed to enjoy life to the fullest because in my mind, it's not worth being intentional to enjoy life now when it will be so much better and easier later. When things are hard, money is tight, relationships are rough or whatever, I can get lazy and ungrateful. In all my wisdom I decide to just let life suck for now, since it will naturally be so much better later. Somehow I continually forget that although the problems I face today will be solved or fade away, there will be more that feel just as pressing tomorrow.
This is your life, are you who you want to be? These words have been working through my mind ever since I saw Switchfoot play in Jacksonville, Oregon a few months back. It was the push I needed to start the journey of learning what it means to be present, and to live my life in a way that is an active pursuit of the life that I have always hoped for. In the words of Hannah Montana, “Life’s what you make it, so lets make it rock.”
It sucks that I can’t wake up and surf every morning (since I don’t live near the ocean currently), but I can go for a walk at a nice park and listen to music or books or whatever. And it's a bummer that many of my close friends from school are spread throughout the world, but I still get to connect with the people I am lucky enough to know locally. These are just some examples of how I have been shifting my mindset to be who I want to be, right now.
Besides being present in just everyday life, I have been trying to apply this in my pursuit of a creative career as well. Opportunity doesn’t always knock again. It’s hard for me to write that because I love the ideas of hope and second chances so much, but the reality is some things you only stumble across once. It doesn’t matter how sure you are of tomorrow’s opportunities, conditions are subject to change. Whatever makes tomorrow easier or more convenient can and will do a full 180. As a guy who likes to fish, the phrase “hooksets are free” is one of my favorites. With most types of fishing, the hookset is vital to actually catching fish. When the fish bites, you yank the rod back in order to hook the fish well. The phrase “hooksets are free” is pointing out that the penalty for setting the hook and missing is nothing compared to the reward of hooking a fish.
One early morning hunt, I knew animals were in the area, but I wasn’t sure if they were below my road or above it. Trying to catch them while they move around in the cool morning temps, I felt the pressure of the waning morning. I went above the road, and started hunting towards a little high point. As I was moving and not seeing a lot of sign, I started to panic, thinking I had chosen the wrong area. I began to rush through the hunt, getting to and past the high point, headed back to my road to hunt the other side. Rushing over the peak, I spooked a herd of elk off the slope. I had made it about 20 yards away from the herd, completely oblivious as I practically ran through the woods. As the cows trotted off, these antlers started to pop over the hill, and suddenly I watched a massive 6x6 bull elk disappear around the side of the slope. What I learned from that mistake was to never rush my hunt because a different option might be better. Truly, you never know what option was better. But I psyched myself into thinking I chose wrong, and I sacrificed a good opportunity for nothing (I was on a deer hunt, so jumping an elk herd wasn’t too bad actually haha, but the experience still taught me well).
If you have opportunities in front of you to pursue your dreams, do it! Even if the time is inconvenient, or the opportunity isn’t exactly what you had in mind, or you feel underqualified, or whatever else. There are so many reasons to not act, and there always will be. But I’m tired of waiting for life to be what I want, and tired of waiting for myself to be who I hope to be. I want to take whatever steps I can (even if those steps walk me in a few circles.) I want to stop looking to the future and start looking at my present.
I think of what Yoda says regarding Luke Skywalkinguy in one of those space movies, “All his life has he looked away… to the future, to the horizon. Never his mind on where he was.” Imma listen to the lil green dude.
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